Pushing Your Sons Out of the Nest

by Dr. Sheila Pope

Today, I am happy to announce my oldest son was pushed out of the nest last week and on October 13th, he learned to fly independently! He is moving to Mississippi. He is driving with a few friends to Mississippi and living in his own apartment across from his dad, my ex-husband.

Image Credit: Dr. Sheila Pope

For the single mothers struggling to let go of their adult sons, listen to your inner voice and trust God to help you release them. I held on to Chris out of fear that he would not survive without my help. Yet this last year, I realized I prepared him to become an awesome young man. Last week, I realized I needed to let him go before I killed his spirit and before I killed his motivation to survive. 

When I released him, I had peace. I had no worries. When he returned with his plan, I knew I made the right choice as a mother. His sibilings were happy to see him and to know they could talk with him via the phone. Chris was not angry with me. He had his chest stuck out. He is finally getting his road trip. Now, his father in heaven and his dad can help him become a responsible man. 

When he came to say goodbye last night before leaving, I gave him several hugs, told him I loved him, and gave him his cell phone.  I will admit I was proud of him. I asked if he was sure of his plans and he said yes he was sure. 

I have three more children to raise as a single mom and I am excited to start this new journey. Chris has helped me so much with the children, but they are able to rock and roll with me now. My life changes too! However, I will not let fear and discomfort cause me to hinder Christopher’s ability to become the man of his own home. 

Single moms we have to know when to let go of our baby boys. When they are taller than us, can talk back to us, capable of manipulating us, they  are not paying any bills, they are taking more than they give, they are failing to see you as a blessing, they are a high school graduate, they are intelligent, they are physically able to work, and they are 18 years of age with a car, it is time to push them out of the nest.

Moms don’t let fear hold you hostage and cause you to create a irresponsible man. Let go and let God show you how to support him from a distance.

The Fall 

by Dr. Sheila Pope

On Thursday of last week, I fell down in the mudd. My nails and toes were on point before the fall. I had a French manicure style on my feet. My nails were metallic pink. My hair was fresh and my jeans were starched.

Before the fall, I was literally walking away from a guy I thought would be in my life for sometime. I was feeling good about myself as I walked to my clean SUV. For those of you that know me, my SUV always needs a good shine. Anyway, I was talking to myself about my next step in life and down I go. I stepped off the curve and fell down to my knees.

I catch myself, but not before my fingers and toes were covered in mudd. My toes hurt so bad. The two people walking in front of me quickly turned around and helped me up. I was so embarrassed. The white woman had a look of terror on her face. The white man had my hand in his. I was just trying to gather my thoughts.

My butt was in the air, my body and mind were fighting against each other. I was thinking, ” Dr. Sheila Pope YOU need help! Your behind is in full view of the folks in the restaurant and the people going into the Westin hotel can see you.”

To top it off, I think the person I was walking away from saw me fall. That thought almost ripped my heart into shreds. You never want your ex to see fall or fail at anything! You want your ex to see you with your Super Girl cape on. No, I think my guy saw me in mudd. To be honest, I did not see him, but I thought I  saw his vehicle drive by as I got up. My mind could have played tricks on me in the moment. My thoughts were racing.

I got into my clean SUV and put mudd on the seats, floor, and stering wheel. I needed a moment to grasp what happened. I needed a moment to cry. I did not cry; but, I did say a few expletives. My toes were chipped and scrapped. My nails were nasty. My pride was at zero.

I can laugh now, but Thursday I was filled with shame. I have had to pick myself up from falls before, but this fall hit home. No matter how accomplished you are professionally, you never want people, especially your guy to see you appear weak and helpless. I found out in that moment, it was ok to appear weak and to need help. I thank God for the white couple that helped me. I quickly received the help that was offered. I replayed the incident too many times in my mind and each time the shame was worse.

I shared the story with a few girlfriends and we laughed. I was finally able to laugh at my foolishness. I am resilent; I may fall again. However, I will always get up and find a way to laugh at my crazy!

The Storm: Hurricane Harvey by Dr. Sheila Pope

Our power was restored yesterday evening! It was difficult to maintain three days without power. My four children enjoyed their gadgets, but I had to do so much to keep things going. I have been “The One” to lead my family for years.

It becomes harder during difficult times to make decisions for everyone. It is difficult to get up and do for everyone else when you are running on empty.

I realized three months ago, I needed a partner for life. I am and will always be a strong woman, but I am tired of being without a real partner to go through the storms of life with. I hated getting out in the rain to find ice and food for my family. My hair was a mess from psoriasis and the rain. I hated having to answer the questions the children had about the hurricane. I wanted a hug yesterday. 

I need a place to cry without having to explain my emotions to my children.  I hated driving through high water and wondering if my SUV and my  house would flood. 

This storm is not over, but having the power restored gave me a chance to sleep in a cool space. It made my children appreciate electricity. My girls slept in my bed last night, my baby boy was on the floor in my room and my oldest disappeared to his room. Yet we all understood we were a family. We knew things could be worst!

This morning, I am still “The One”, but today I am clear on the fact that I need a partner for life. I need a partner that is committed to battling the literal and figurative  storms of life. I need a partner that will love me unconditionally and is willing to fight for the safety of this family. Until, he comes, I will continue to battle storms. I know God is always there. However, it would be nice to have a partner there too.

 

An Ode to Zeffie Frazier, “Muh” by Dr. Sheila Pope

Doing God’s work does not go unnoticed. Today, I was moved to tears when Ms. Wallace, age 64, shared her testimony while sitting in my Traverse. Ms. Johnson (bottom photo), 83 and my play grandmother, moved to the nursing home after she almost died on several occasions in her hot house in Acres Homes. She only had one A.C. window unit in the 20 plus years she stayed in the rent house on Maxroy.  Today, Ms. Johnson lives in a Westhaven Residential with central air and heat and around the clock medical care. She has been safe and happy for two years. My mind has been at peace too.

Ms. Wallace is legally blind and currently living in a hot house without central air in Acres Home. In June, after visiting the nursing home with me, Ms. Wallace passed out and was hospitalized. I have been trying to get Ms. Wallace to move for two years. Last month, she heard a snake crawing around in the walls. The snake catcher came but could not catch the snake. I feared for her safety. She often burns or undercooks her food because she cannot see what she is doing.

Today, she stated that she was finally ready to move.  We praised God in the SUV for her “Greater.”  I thanked God for “my greater!” She shared her testimony and I cried like a baby. Luckily, she could not see me. We forget some senior citizens do not have central air and heat. She said she almost froze to death in January because she only has a floor heater.

I went to help Ms. Wallace today, but she helped me instead. She moved me and touched my heart with her words and her testimony. She reminded me of how important it is to obey God and do what He asked even when I do not want to do it. She reminded me of how good God has been to me. 

More importantly, she reminded me that she “saw” my efforts to help her as a blessing; she reminded me of the fact that I have helped her and Ms. Johnson for over 20 years; she reminded me that God called me to help my adopted children; she reminded me that I never charged them for helping them; she reminded me that I did not have to help them! 

She reminded me that I loved and respected little old ladies because of a special senior citizen I had in my life named Mrs. Zeffie Frazier (referred to as Muh). Muh practically raised me while my parents worked. I sat with Muh and laughed, ate any and everything, cried too much, learned to tell time, pick eggs out of the chicken coop, walked in hot tar, and watched The Edge of Night and The Price is Right. 

When I turned 16, I got my first job while staying with Muh for the summer. I had my first boyfriend visit from out of town at Muh’s. I drove Muh and Alice to the fish creek. I picked-up Muh’s spit cup and brought her Bitter Garrett’s snuff so much that I never wanted to try dipping!

I have a special place in my heart for senior citizens thanks to Zeffie Frazier’ s love for me. She treated me like I was special. I think our relationship was one of the best relationships I have had. I love Ms. Johnson and Ms. Wallace too. They make me better!

 

Something New! by Dr. Sheila Pope

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I have been super busy evolving and changing my mindset. On January 30, 2017, I made some tough decisions that propelled me to my next level. Many of you know that I have has a small business for 10 years. However, I considered it to be my part-time business. 

In February, I decided to pour into my small business so it can become a major contributor into my multiple streams of income. I am proud to announce 

HUB Certified

The Resource Center has been certified as a Historically Underutilized Business (HUB) by Texas Comptroller. What does that mean? It means my business is a vendor for the State of Texas.  I am also going to be a vendor of other agencies. Yes, that means I am now an employer for multiple people instead of a few.

Thanks to this awesome group, NAACP’s SMAART Incubator,  lead by Mr. Allen Provost, chair of NAACP Economic Chair Committee, and Khufere 

A SMAART group of business people

Qhamata,  I am surrounded by African American entrepreneurs pitching their business ideas and plans. Khufere Qhamata, called Q, helped me move to the next level of branding myself in the publishing industry. Thanks to Q’s fabulous knowledge of the publishing business, I have my own publishing company under the umbrella of my company, The Resource Center.

Under the umbrella of The Resource Center, I have also earned my first tech client, Peoples United Summit 501c3 (nonprofit).  I am their website designer. I also built their social media platforms, and I manage those platforms.  

I make sure their mission and goals are visible via social media. I am helping to build their brand.  I am finally a CEO of a tech company! Peoples United Summit and my company, The Resource Center, have partnered together to serve the Sunnyside Community. We are focusing our efforts on improving education in the schools and ending sex trafficking. 

Supporting Worthing High School

My partnership with Peoples United Summit has helped me see myself as a Superintendent, CEO, and an employer.  It is an exciting time in my life.

I also joined this fabulous group on Facebook called Courage to Earn-The Community (closed Group with 2.3K Members). I am learning so much about using my blog to earn serious income. The women in the group are powerful entrepreneurs.  More important, they support each other, and they share valuable information that is practical to use.

I have more to share, but I will stop here. I will start posting weekly blogs from this day forward. I have had a ton of false starts with other business partnerships, but they paved the way for me to reach this level in my adventure.

Dr. Pope

My SMART Board

Written by Dr. Sheila Pope

smart-board

Well, it finally happened; I have fallen in love again! For the last 10 years, I have taught my English classes at Texas Southern University (seven years) and Worthing High School with my personal Epson projector, my Logistics speakers, and my laptop computer. Finally, when Worthing’s students and teachers moved into their new building and classrooms, we were given new technology.

I love all things tech! I loved and cherished my Epson because I paid for it out of pocket. I understood the value of having a large screen,  great visuals and clear, loud audio in a classroom. Yet I could not interact with my content until now.

I walked into my new beautiful classroom and was instantly interested in playing with my SMART BOARD. No one provided training, but I did not really need it. At first, I just tried to move the screen up and down with my hands. I like making the text shrink or expand with my fingertips. I started downloading more of its software.

Gradually I began to develop strong feelings for my board. The more I played with it, the more I appreciated its capabilities. One day last month, my baby crashed. I was sick! I always incorporate tech into my lessons.

When it was working, I started playing my videos using surround sound. My computer was always locked into its docking station. Then, I was given a remote. The IT guy, Mr. Albert, reset my baby when it crashed. After the crash, I was more determined to learn more about its abilities.

Video: Falling in Love with My SMARTBOARD 

I learned it has so many superpowers! I became excited; I laughed as I learned what real interaction and engagement with content meant. I quickly learned I loved my SMART Board!

Today, I am a part of the SMART Board community. I am still learning what it can do, but I love the way it makes me feel when I annotate text on the screen. I love pasting stamps. I think the spotlight is my favorite tool.

This is the beginning of a beautiful love affair. I cannot teach in another classroom without a SMART Board. When I attended a training at another campus, I passed by a classroom with a chalkboard and laughed. I did not think teachers were still using a chalkboard. I am blessed to work in a district that promotes high-tech tools.

There are a few issues with my SMART Board, but the joy I feel when it works makes me continue to love it.

Wiped Out by Sheila Pope

wiped out

I have been quiet for a couple of months. I finished my draft of chapters 3-5 of my dissertation. They almost finished me too! I started July with tons of energy and hope. I stopped any activities that would distract me from completing my goal of submitting my chapters by August 15, 2014. I stopped posting on my blog too!

The Plan

FOCUS-ON-PLANI planned to submit my first draft on August 15. Well, I had to quickly adjust that date. I started typing chapter 4 and began to question everything I thought I wanted to write. Then, I committed to finishing by August 18. I went to my office at my job and worked until 11:00pm week nights; I  worked all day on Saturday and Sundays. My oldest son held down the fort at home. I went without fun and money. More important, I went without support. I met with my academic advisor from Capella on August 18. After our meeting,  I knew I had to finish on time. He motivated me to keep my eyes on the prize. I was exhausted and frightened. I did not know if I had organized the information correctly. I questioned if I wrote too much. I questioned how to end chapter 5 with a bang. More important, I feared I would not honor my participants’ experiences. 

Ending a Relationship

I submitted my chapters on August 19. I knew my mentor was going out-of-town. breakupWe communicated via the phone and some in the courseroom. I knew I needed to make major adjustments to the Chapters 4 & 5, but I need his feedback. I was lost; I needed his guidance. I did not receive what I needed in a timely manner. In the end, there was a break in our communication. I felt devastated because I knew ending my relationship with my mentor was necessary to move ahead. I realized something as a professor from a student’s perspective. Online education requires feedback from all parties. Online education cost too much to flounder in the dark. Students have to ask for help and professors have to provide quality feedback in a timely manner. I waited until the end of the quarter before I made my final decision. Changing a mentor is a serious and scary task. I waited until I was thinking clearly before I made my request. I feel changing a mentor should be the last resort, but I believe sometimes it is necessary for survival. My dissertation advisor quickly responded to my request for a new mentor. I still like and respect my former mentor; however, I need someone who sees the finish line and can help get me there. 

Stressed 

I did not stressedexpect to feel so mentally exhausted after submitting my chapters. I literally needed two weeks to get my energy level back. I taught five classes in person, and I coached two online. I am guilty of teaching with too much passion. Often, I do not realize how busy I really am until my body stops.  I took on too much. I was in the middle of designing an online education course. I stopped when I tackled chapters 4 & 5.  I have four children and a dog. Everyone ate hot dogs and cheap fast food during July and August.  I  had the nerve to enroll in the Adobe Train the Trainer (8 weeks) program. I finished the chapters, completed my Adobe Training, and I taught my classes.

Money

I fought with two of my employers this summer over money. There was a change in the way I expected to be paid this summer. No one bothered to tell the employees that thefight over moneyy would be paid in three payments for summer. I paid my tuition and got a new car based on money that did not come when I expected it. Child support was MIA too. I spent most of my time praying to have ENOUGH to pay my bills and feed my children. I was mentally tired from trying to collect a check from my consulting work and my other employer. There is nothing worse than dealing with financial issues and writing your dissertation. By August 1st, I was so drained from begging people to cut a check that I wanted to give up. Luckily, I have good friends that prayed and encouraged me. God stretched my faith this summer.

The Release

By the end of September, I had enough.  I quite trying to get feedback from my mentor. I accepted my employer did not see the value of communicating with their employees when a major change was going to occur with their pay. I knew I could not continue to work as a consultant for that company that never sent my check until two faxes and multiple phone calls. I do not beg for money. That defeats the purpose of working. I realized I would not finish my PhD before December 2014. I also realized that I hated hot dogs! I am still digging myself out of the financial destruction caused by the miscommunication with my employer.

The Turn Around

Happy puppyI realized I was blessed during all of the craziness. I submitted my chapters as a draft. I became an Adobe Education Trainer. I have a safe vehicle that works for a mom that drops off and picks up her children. My wonderful boss did not give me a raise, but she gave me a great schedule that allowed me to pick-up my children everyday and cut down my daycare by $1000.00 a month. She provided an office with a window. I love it. She gave me a promotion and a wonderful TA to assist with the eight classes this fall. It is an honor to help him grow as a professional.  Yes, I am still hurt over the way we were paid this summer, but I love my boss and the team I work with. My students are so supportive; therefore, I will continue to teach with passion. Teaching is my lifeline! After this summer, I have more stories to share with my students. I have new reasons to empathize with them.  

My Writing Process Blog Tour by Sheila Pope

My Writing Process Blog Tour1975002_10203179337583343_1691525101_n I’ve been invited to join the #mywritingprocess blog tour by Dr. Allana Todman-Da Graca, the author of Tomorrow Can’t Wait and Temple: Self Discovery Through Truth. I met Dr. Todman-Da Graca as a PhD candidate at Capella University. Today, Dr. Todman-Da Graca is an artist and a professor. My instructions are to answer three questions for you: 1.

What am I working on? Writing: I am currently completing my dissertation. I have published an e-book, Writing Essentials: Strategies to Master Freshmen English and Writing Placement Exams. I plan to submit an article for a journal submission this month. Well, I blog frequently too. However, for the next two months my dissertation is my primary focus. Therefore, I will post my thoughts about the process.

Recordings: I am creating videos for my On-demand Lecture Series too. This is a complicated process. I love the challenge of creating and using technology. My writing process encompasses using technology and my experiences to create little snippets for my audience to “see” into my world.

2. How does my work differ from others in that genre? My e-textbook is different from other books because it has been written for English language learners, veterans and an urban audience. The book provides strategies for learners with special needs such as dyslexia and post stress disorders. Most books with an emphasis on placement exams do not address learners with special needs.

3. Why do I write what I do? My Publication The first reason I wrote my e-book was to incorporate my love of technology and the English language. I also needed a textbook for my non-course based WRIT 101 course that would incorporate all of my teaching needs. I wanted to show students how to conduct research, how to develop strong sentences, and I wanted my students to be able to access their material from any electronic device. Moreover, I understood students needed to know where to focus their time when preparing for placement exams. More important, I understood how important it was for students of different races to see themselves in a textbook. Finally, this book was created to address learners with different learning needs.This content of this book addresses various learners and their learning styles.

My Blog My blog focuses on various topics.  I talk about everwebsite photoything from gardening to politics.  My struggle to complete my PhD will take center stage for the next couple of months. I think my blog is different from other blogs because I share my experiences from a female middle class point of view. Although I am an instructor, I am a student too. My views on education varies depending on which set of lens I use. In my posts, I share my honest personal opinions. I use my blog as a place to express my views, my fears, and my faults. Moreover, the blog questions other people’s position on sex, socioeconomic standings, education, and politics.

Capella Sisters Finishing Their Journey by Sheila Pope

A Coca-Cola, Smartphone, Burrito, Pen, Note Pad and other Published Dissertations
coca-cola, smart phone, and dissertations

I met Deirdre through Capella University. We met in Dallas, Tx during a colloquia. We bonded instantly. Dee is attractive, ambitious, a leader, smart, funny, and determined to obtain her PhD. We share the same characteristics and determination. We met almost six years ago.

Along the way, I became seriously ill, divorced, and ran out of student loan money. Dee was promoted on two jobs, dated, and traveled around the US. However, we managed to speak to each other regularly. Our friendship grew because we needed each other.

We found the journey to complete our doctorates from Capella University required support and understanding from true friends/supporters. We learned we needed to surround ourselves with people who understood our plight. We have heard horror stories along the way. Some of our Capella Sisters graduated and some quit their programs to complete other goals.  As a matter of fact, Dee quit for one year. I had to stop for a year due to health issues and financial setbacks. Yet we came back to Capella and decided we would complete what we started.

I went to Dallas as a delegate for the Democratic State Convention. However, I wanted to see my family and my Capella Sisters. I met with Deborah W., Wanda M., and Deirdre Hill. The four of us share a special bond: we are single African-American females completing a PhD online. All of us enrolled in Capella University with the goal of earning a PhD in psychology.

Deirdre was about to complete her dissertation before me this summer. However, she realized she needed to make some serious changes before she submitted her dissertation to her committee. So, we met on a Sunday morning on June 29, 2014 to edit her draft.

Luckily, I was able to obtain some participants for my study. Therefore, I could write-up my cases and finish this summer too. I knew how I wanted the format of my dissertation to look. Dee gave me vital information to help me write my dissertation. I gave her my two cents on edits. I had not planned to stay another day in Fort Worth, but my friendship with Dee is a true sisterhood. I knew we could help each other finish what we started six years ago.

Capella Sisters Finishing What We Started

Looking at our photo tells the story. I did not comb my hair; Deirdre was doing the natural look. We were a hot mess! We were in Starbucks inside of Tom Thumb Grocery completing the journey. It has taken me almost 10 years to complete my doctorate. Dee has been my friend for six of those years. We have searched the literature, shared our frustrations about collecting data. We have shared our ah moments. We see ourselves in the literature. We call each other Dr. Hill and Dr. Pope.

We are currently writing chapter four and five of our dissertations. We will complete our journey by the end of this quarter. We are both single, determined and grateful for our journey through Capella University. She will walk across the stage ahead of me at our graduation (Hill before Pope). Yet we will both stand by each other after graduation and throughout our lives. #Capellaproud

Working Hard in the Yard on July 4th by Sheila Pope

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Ms. V, my 70-year-old neighbor.

Thanks to Ms. V, my 70-year-old neighbor, I got my front yard back into shape quickly on Independence Day (July 4th). Yes, I spent my holiday cutting the yard. I love the idea of cutting my own grass and maintaining my yard. Ms. V loves to take care of her yard too. There are three single women on my street; however, only one of us pays to have our yard maintained. Maintaining the lawn and flowerbeds is fun and relaxing.

When I work on my yard, I can really “see” what the bugs are doing around the house. Ants are resilient little monsters that invade my house and build empires around my trees and fences. I can also detect if water is leaking from the A.C. I can spot the weeds taking over my flower beds. I can feel how thick and healthy my grass has grown. I also keep an eye on my neighbors’ yard too. I am competitive; I enjoy watching the men on the street watch me cutting the grass. Sometimes, they make a few comments when they see me outside. Immediately when I finish my yard, one of my male neighbors will start on their yards too.

I really felt honored to have the ability to take care of my yard on the 4th of July. I am an independent woman, and I love my freedom; I am a home owner with a beautiful yard, and it takes a great deal of time to maintain the lawn.

I was happy to receive help from Ms. V. Ms. V is in great shape and she loves to care for her yard. I told her she could start a lawn service on the block. I hate to admit it, but Ms. V looks younger than me! She still wears short shorts. I hope I am as active and sexy as she is at 70!

She brought her wisdom and cutting skills over to trim the hedges. I would have been a fool to not accept her help. After all, she has the best yard on the block. I told her if they started a “Yard of the Month Contest” I would have to work extremely hard to beat her efforts. I was glad to share gardening ideas and lawn care tips with one of the coolest 70 year olds in the neighborhood on my July 4th.