Self-care is Required to Conduct Business

by Dr. Sheila Pope

After walking around with my hair looking for a perm, I decided I needed to make adjustments and get a stylist in Pearland. When my hair is not right, I am not right. I do not feel confident. I represent my brand, so my hair must look its best even if I do not feel my best.

Self-care

A hairstylist helps their clients transform inside and out. I needed a new hairstylist. I had one for over 10 years, but she did not value my business. I had a new one for a couple of months but her shop was too far from my home and she was late for appointments. I had put my need for a stylist to the side for almost two months. I normally had my hair styled every two weeks. Due to transportation issues, working from my home office, and a new budget, I put me to the side once again.

I do not like to play with my hair. I am growing it out and I have psoriasis. It is important to have an experienced stylist. So, I do not change stylist quickly. I knew on Thursday morning, I had to make a change. My self-care went to the top of the list again.

Getting Rid of Gray

I realized my gray hair was crawling all around my face. I knew I had tons of new growth, but I could not bring myself to look for a new stylist. I had a client request a meeting for next week and I could not wear a hat to the meeting. Can you see at all that gray around my face? Some folks say gray hair indicates you are wise; I believe it indicates you are getting old.

Before going to the stylist!

On Thursday, I took a leap of faith to find a new hairstylist. I went on google and found Salons by JC in Pearland on Pearland Parkway by Below 5.

I was concerned if there were any African American stylists inside the salon. After reviewing Salons by JC website, I discovered each stylist had their profiles with an individual website. I ran across Rashida’s profile photo and decided she was the one.

Miracle Worker

I went into Salons by JC and it was beautiful and professional. The Salons are all independently leased. Rashida’s suite was #7. Seven means perfection.

Worthing High School Connection

I could not believe she was a Worthing High School graduate with over 20 years of experience in haircare. This was important because I used to teach at Worthing High School. I have been advocating for Worthing students for years. Rashida has worked as a stylist since she graduated from Worthing. Not only was she a graduate of Worthing High School, she knew one of my former students JaMarcus Hebert!

We are Business Women

Look at God! As she worked on my hair, she shared everthing she was doing to my hair. Her suite was zen and peaceful. She is smart, professional, and openly rocks God too! She and I talked business too. We discussed square footage and cost of suites. We exchanged ideas and ways to make money. It was a great experience and I left looking 1000 times better than I did when I entered Suite 7. She is my stylist from this point forward.

Ladies living in Pearland, if you want an excellent hairstylist, go see Rashida, “Ree Ree” at Salon at JC. 713.806.7746. She serves all clients regardless of hair texture or race. Cost of services was on point too!

Pushing Your Sons Out of the Nest

by Dr. Sheila Pope

Today, I am happy to announce my oldest son was pushed out of the nest last week and on October 13th, he learned to fly independently! He is moving to Mississippi. He is driving with a few friends to Mississippi and living in his own apartment across from his dad, my ex-husband.

Image Credit: Dr. Sheila Pope

For the single mothers struggling to let go of their adult sons, listen to your inner voice and trust God to help you release them. I held on to Chris out of fear that he would not survive without my help. Yet this last year, I realized I prepared him to become an awesome young man. Last week, I realized I needed to let him go before I killed his spirit and before I killed his motivation to survive. 

When I released him, I had peace. I had no worries. When he returned with his plan, I knew I made the right choice as a mother. His sibilings were happy to see him and to know they could talk with him via the phone. Chris was not angry with me. He had his chest stuck out. He is finally getting his road trip. Now, his father in heaven and his dad can help him become a responsible man. 

When he came to say goodbye last night before leaving, I gave him several hugs, told him I loved him, and gave him his cell phone.  I will admit I was proud of him. I asked if he was sure of his plans and he said yes he was sure. 

I have three more children to raise as a single mom and I am excited to start this new journey. Chris has helped me so much with the children, but they are able to rock and roll with me now. My life changes too! However, I will not let fear and discomfort cause me to hinder Christopher’s ability to become the man of his own home. 

Single moms we have to know when to let go of our baby boys. When they are taller than us, can talk back to us, capable of manipulating us, they  are not paying any bills, they are taking more than they give, they are failing to see you as a blessing, they are a high school graduate, they are intelligent, they are physically able to work, and they are 18 years of age with a car, it is time to push them out of the nest.

Moms don’t let fear hold you hostage and cause you to create a irresponsible man. Let go and let God show you how to support him from a distance.

The Fall 

by Dr. Sheila Pope

On Thursday of last week, I fell down in the mudd. My nails and toes were on point before the fall. I had a French manicure style on my feet. My nails were metallic pink. My hair was fresh and my jeans were starched.

Before the fall, I was literally walking away from a guy I thought would be in my life for sometime. I was feeling good about myself as I walked to my clean SUV. For those of you that know me, my SUV always needs a good shine. Anyway, I was talking to myself about my next step in life and down I go. I stepped off the curve and fell down to my knees.

I catch myself, but not before my fingers and toes were covered in mudd. My toes hurt so bad. The two people walking in front of me quickly turned around and helped me up. I was so embarrassed. The white woman had a look of terror on her face. The white man had my hand in his. I was just trying to gather my thoughts.

My butt was in the air, my body and mind were fighting against each other. I was thinking, ” Dr. Sheila Pope YOU need help! Your behind is in full view of the folks in the restaurant and the people going into the Westin hotel can see you.”

To top it off, I think the person I was walking away from saw me fall. That thought almost ripped my heart into shreds. You never want your ex to see fall or fail at anything! You want your ex to see you with your Super Girl cape on. No, I think my guy saw me in mudd. To be honest, I did not see him, but I thought I  saw his vehicle drive by as I got up. My mind could have played tricks on me in the moment. My thoughts were racing.

I got into my clean SUV and put mudd on the seats, floor, and stering wheel. I needed a moment to grasp what happened. I needed a moment to cry. I did not cry; but, I did say a few expletives. My toes were chipped and scrapped. My nails were nasty. My pride was at zero.

I can laugh now, but Thursday I was filled with shame. I have had to pick myself up from falls before, but this fall hit home. No matter how accomplished you are professionally, you never want people, especially your guy to see you appear weak and helpless. I found out in that moment, it was ok to appear weak and to need help. I thank God for the white couple that helped me. I quickly received the help that was offered. I replayed the incident too many times in my mind and each time the shame was worse.

I shared the story with a few girlfriends and we laughed. I was finally able to laugh at my foolishness. I am resilent; I may fall again. However, I will always get up and find a way to laugh at my crazy!

Searching for Someone New: Joining the Online Dating World by Sheila Pope

I finally did it; I finally went on a couple of dating websites. For a couple of years, I have said to friends I was going to go on one when I thought I was ready to date. I am ready to date, but my opportunities have been limited. I am a workaholic, single mother and completing my PhD. Where does a man fit into my world?

plenty of fish image

I listened to a couple of my friends talk about their experiences with  Plenty of Fish.  I figured I should start there. I also decided that I should not limit myself to only African-American men. Therefore, I wanted a dating website with men open to dating African-American women. I found Interracial Match.com. It was pretty easy to join.

Interrical match

However, I found it a little difficult to find a picture that represents me at this moment in my life. I solved that by asking my 16-year-old son to help me select a photo for my profile. My stylist fixed my hair and I immediately updated my profile shots.Then, I pressed my luck and asked him to help me find a username, headline and provide words to describe me. He asked, “Shouldn’t you ask a girlfriend to help you with this?”

I laughed and said, “Lets make it happen!” I like the fact that he knows what I am doing.  I do not have anything to hide. More important, I am getting a little tired of his jokes about my inability to get date and he has not had one himself. I want my children to know that I can try something new. I hope they are never afraid to face their fears.

I wondered why they required my income range. I hated that I had to decide to describe myself as either full-figured or had extra pounds. However, it was not long after I figured out why there was a need to share your income range. Once I went on the site and reviewed my potential matches, I laughed until I cried. Some of the photos on Plenty of Fish, Delightful and Interracial Match.com were insane. Men without shirts, some that looked homeless, some I think I saw on Wanted posters, others looked like pedophiles and some screamed FREAK and not 50 Shades of Grey kind!  I ran across the profile of a 61-year-old white guy that liked African-American women in my age range with my body type, but he made less than 25,000 a year. Instead of looking for match, he needed to focus on generating extra income. I clearly understood the income requirement at that moment! There were men that said they preferred not to say if they had a car!  I think it was appropriate to infer they did not have one. Again, more laughter!! I have had tears of joy since I decided to enter the online dating world.

At this time, I have my profile on several sites and I have chatted with several men on Plenty of Fish. I liked the freedom that the format allows me to have. I like the control that I have via online. More important, I like the fact that I have had to address some of my own issues. I finally admitted that I do not want to get married at this time. I only want to date! I want a relationship if it works for me. That was a big reality check for me. I am happy with my life at this time. Yes, I want to go out on a date. I do not care if a man wants children because I am not looking to marry him, I just want to talk and go out sometimes. I am not looking for sex at this time. The more time you spend with one person the greater the odds are one of you will eventually bring up sex.

It feels good to chat. I chatted for three hours yesterday. I realize online dating is time-consuming, but going through the profiles shots makes me howl with laughter each time! The profiles, headlines and bios are hilarious. More important, I am laughing at myself too. Eventually, I am going to pay for Match.com. I believe you get what you pay for in this world. Until then, I will try a few more free websites. Delightful, Steve Harvey’s website, does not let me respond without paying. So far on the Interracial Match.com, only a scary white guy as winked at me. Again, he had one picture with only his neck and Winkhairy chest displayed. I did not know what to do with that wink. I have no regrets so far. I look forward to laughing and finding someone new to date.